September 18, 2013

Me against marriage

    Let's see...for those of you who happened to stop by, let me tell you briefly what the story is: girl meets boy (boy 11 years older than her, girl 23 at the time), girl falls in love with the boy, boy falls in love with the girl, 4 years later girl gets pregnant, boy on cloud no 9, another 4 years later boy cheats on the girl with a new girl from work (new girl 6 years younger than initial girl), girl is left heartbroken and suicidal, boy moves in with new girl (new girl married, with child at the time of the affair), girl cries her heart out for 4 months and begs boy to come back, girl swears never to love again, never to let anyone in her life and heart again...that until ....
      One fine day, a 23 year old new boy from the same work place as the girl, the boy and the new girl enters the girl's life and changes her for ever. Yes, all four of them are having a jolly time to say the least.
     Ladies and gentlemen, this is my story. I am in a place that I never imagined (must have said that waaay too many times in this blog, but it's true). It's like being on another planet. At 31 (for one more month) or in my late 20's as I like to say, I am beginning to learn what life is; I have finally begun to open my eyes, to receive lessons...I have finally begun my journey through life. Yeap, it's kinda late, but hey...better late than never. 

   Since everything I said or promised myself turned out to worth shit (sorry for the bad words, I'm not usually like that unless under a lot of stress), I am not even trying to make any other vows. Except maybe for one...

    News flash everybody: I am getting married! And I'd probably be married now if that didn't cost 15 hundred dollars to do it immediately. Now I have to wait at least 25 days to pay the lowest fee. The city hall should pay me for doing it..Really...Kill me!
Whaaaaat? Wait a minute? Did I say that out loud? I guess so. But wait...I am against marriage. Or at least I was. Seems not anymore, darling. Or maybe it's the crisis...the 30 year old woman's crisis!
  I know, people, I am lost too and don't understand any of this either. 
  But it was supposed to be a blog about pain, heartache, crying, self pity, psychiatric help, loneliness, single life, single parents, life without love, life after love, hate towards happy couples, hate towards Valentines day and all this kind of crap. What the hell ?
   Turns out, it takes a 23 year old with brains, a weekend with around 100 emails about psychology, Oscar Wilde, sarcasm and cynical quotes to turn everything upside down. Yeap, just what any girl dreams of.
   Not long ago, my belief was that love ends with marriage... I'd say that love ends during marriage:)) Yes, I am mean again, this is my "me against marriage" moment of rebellion. 
    I believed that a piece of paper only makes things harder upon breakup, that a love story is just fine without any additional stuff or insignificant papers. Turns out...even a child (that I thought to be the ultimate commitment to someone) can't hold a wild horse (well, I am not referring to my ex, since I would now call him a nag). Mean again!!!!
   I believed a French proverb that quotes: "Marriage is like a fortress besieged: those who are outside want to get in, and those who are inside want to get out".

  I believed that the married ones are bound to cheat or be cheated unmistakably at some point. Now I believe that everybody cheats and those who haven't done it, just didn't have an opportunity yet.
   I believed in the freedom to just walk away at any time if ever the love was gone or we no longer had anything to say to each other. I would never accept to stay near someone just for the sake of companionship; I prefer to have a dog instead. I do actually have one; here it is

   Even with all these arguments and many more it seems that my mind and heart are set on this. 
   "Honestly, Lexy, I don't know who you are anymore. You've known him for ..what..5 months? And now you're ready to give up on your freedom? Let me ask you a question: are you ready to have sex with the same guy for ever?" 
 This is my inner voice talking... It's the same one that said : "Jump in the lake tonight!" while I was in the "I want to die cause an idiot left me "period. Maybe I won't listen this time either...I don't usually listen to anyone anyway. 
 -  Well (this is me now), I honestly don't know. I'm ready now and I believe it now, the rest, well...we'll see. The fact of the matter is that I said YES when the word WEDDING came out of his mouth. 
     You're right, I should be the mature one who should talk him out of this for too many reasons. He's so young (almost a 9 year difference between us and they're on me), he just found LOVE for the first time, the thing that I love to hate, he needs several relationships before he actually finds THE girl/woman who doesn't nag him too much (could be me even though I'm quite good at nagging when I want to), one who never says she has a headache on Monday nights (mean..yeah, yeah, get over it! I for one NEVER have that kind of headaches, but who's bragging?), one who's not thinking of George Clooney when she doesn't have a headache (how can I think of anyone else when he's great?), one who doesn't laugh at his bad jokes (no, I don't find this sweet. If the man is telling a bad joke, why laugh???), one who cooks for him (so far he doesn't seem to be too impressed with my cooking. Thank God, I can compensate with sex;) !

     Who knows? Maybe we'll be eternal lovers after all...


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