Few months earlier: my son left on vacation with his father and another woman.
Present day: I am on vacation with my son and ...another man! Whoooooooaaaaa!!!!
Ok, ok, let's all chill a bit and analyze the situation. How did I get here? Few months ago, the only way I thought another man would see my son was through pictures and now I am looking at another man (if we can actually call a 23 year old like that! Ok, let's forget for a second that I am mean and maybe, just maybe the age difference is still something I am not over yet).
I was left alone with a 4 year old child who thinks he's the king of the world. No, it's not his fault! God, no! It's his father's. Just kidding!
From the day his father left us for the Bitch aka the one who is as intelligent as a broom handle (that has now dyed her hair blonde to make it even more obvious - sorry,I am just another one that likes jokes with blondes;)), I started turning my son into a monster. Yes, I live with KIDZILLA! Let's develop a bit, shall we?
First: he doesn't eat alone. He knows how to use a fork, a spoon but they're too heavy for his Royal Hands so Mom, as in..me has to feed him. Ok, I hope he won't be doing this until the age of 20.
Second: he never answers when I call him; unless of course I call 20 times and the 21st I decide to raise my voice. There are times when I think his ears are soundproofed against me.
Third: he doesn't listen. Well, he does if I threaten to cut his cartoons for a week. Is there any other way to make our children listen besides cutting on the things they like? if there are, I haven't found them so please share.
Fourth: he doesn't like to fall asleep alone and he wakes up at night. Guess what he does several times a night! That's right: he calls good old Mom to come sleep in his bed. So, what I do (besides hitting my head against the door/wall cause opening my eyes is not really an option) is go to his room, tell him I'm there, sit on his bed to convince him I am not going anywhere and fall asleep in a very uncomfortable position. So few hours later I open my eyes and try to get up, but I discover I can't move my head, my back hurts as if I carried heavy things all day and I'm dead tired.
Fifth: he likes to give me orders. Cause Bob aka his father said he could since he is the little BOSS of the house.
Sixth: he raises his voice if I don't do what he wants when he wants (pretty much like I do; the only difference is that, in my case, it's not efficient).
Seventh: he threatens to go to his dad's every time I dare send him to the corner.
Did I say he's only four and a half?
I now see how difficult it is to raise a child by yourself; and when I say by yourself I mean it. Bob feels that he is honoring his duties as a father by playing with him for 2 hours every 2 or 3 days...and let's not forget the presents. Under the excuse I ONLY SEE HIM FOR SO LITTLE TIME, he is buying gifts to compensate for his guilty conscience.
How can I raise Kidzilla to be a person with values when sometimes I feel he's a ping pong ball? His father takes him every 2 weekends but if the Bitch changes plans, Kidzilla disappears from the picture so he is sent back to me.
I love my son with all my heart but sometimes, even though I feel like a bad mother after, I really wish I could send him to his father's for a while...just so he could ruin Bob's little plans for a nice quiet life with the Bitch.
I think Bob might be on to something: as a guy, when you feel the need for a carefree kidless life, you just say so and the court does everything for you (for the married ones of course, cause the unmarried just leave). "Yes your Honor, I found a younger woman that I'd like to f#ck, so I suppose you're sending the kids with their mother cause I really don't like the noise they make:))" Sorry to all men out there, but I just couldn't help it.
Sometimes I feel like shouting all the shit Bob did to Kidzilla's face, right during those moments when he says he wants to go to his dad's. But I don't and I won't. Not ever. Cause in the end, my child is my life and I'd never do anything to hurt him.
Why was I saying that I was the one turning him into a monster? Cause I was so afraid to hurt him even more after his dad's departure that I let him do whatever, say whatever, just so my baby would be alright, would feel loved and cherished by his mother who now has two roles to play.
At present my little Kidzilla is trying to chase the KID away cause he doesn't like sharing his mom with another man...I find myself again in a situation I thought almost impossible in my life: that of teaching my 4 and a half year old child that I can never love someone else more than him, this someone else being another man other than his father. But how can I make a 4 year old understand this? How can I make my child understand that I, like his father, need somebody in my life and this somebody can only be..the KID?
It is unbelievable but I feel that my train could have never stopped in a better station than the KID's.
Somehow he made me break my NO MAN WILL SEE MY CHILD EVER rule. I was hoping my son would scare him off, but Kidzilla failed to do so this time.
However, Kidzilla is challenging me now more than ever cause I dared bring another man in my life. Yes, he has no problem with Bob's Bitch, but he's got a huge one with Mom's new man cause the latter dared explain him a thing or two about good behaviours on 4 year olds. Like :listen to your mom, don't grab food from your plate with your hands etc.
I was on my way, running away from everything with the speed of sound, but somehow, this KID turned out to be just a bit faster than me, enough to stop me...at least for a while.