In another time indeed
My relationship with the KID...well...even the Devil would run as hell if HE came across one like me. Ever since me and the KID agreed we had "sentiments" for each other (this is the word the BITCH used to express the word "feeling" when writing to Bob and I bitch about this ever since cause her English is as good as my German - just so you know, I don't speak German) , we ask ourselves everyday what we're still doing together. Cause every day is boxing day.
I am the damaged one who luckily got out alive of a relationship that left big scares and he's the one discovering for the first time in his life what "sentiments" can do to a person. I am 31, he's 23. I spent half of my life being in two relationships, he spent his running away from it. I am the clown type, he is more the policeman who ruins a college party. I gave everything I had to people who didn't deserve it, he's asking for that everything now. Can two people be more wrong for each other? I guess there are worse things than this, right?
Our daily match starts from just about anything. I never fought with anyone in my life as much as I am fighting now with this young man acting as an adult. He makes me feel as if I was the 23 year old many times cause I don't take just about anything too seriously (well, come to think of it, is there anything I really take seriously??).
We both know that none of us is ready for the other; we are not ready...in another time, we would be perfect for each other.
Seven months ago when he left home, Bob made me promise that no other man would come live in our house, the house our family (me, him and our baby) shared for two and a half years. I agreed cause at that time I didn't even understand what he meant by that; my life was reduced to me and the baby and that was how it was gonna be for ever. If ever I wanted sex, I would go out and get it outside the house. I saw nothing wrong or incorrect about that. But now...now everything's wrong with our little arrangement. I feel like freaking Juliet, cause my Romeo comes see me at night when the guards are asleep and leaves early in the morning, by sunrise. I can either compare him to Romeo or Dracula..both work. Yes, that is how romantic I am.
Romeo made everything so freaking complicated. Uuuuhhhh I like complicated things, he said. I get bored easily, he said. Well, now he got his game on: he got into a relationship with a woman he may never fully have (and by that I don't mean unrequited love bullshit) and he sleeps as much as a horse (for those of you who don't know, horses sleep only about 3 hours a day. They can lock their legs in place and doze lightly while standing up.)
Romeo wants me to show him more "sentiment", Romeo wants me to act like a teenager, wag my tail every time he texts me. Hey Romeo, did you forget that I'm 31?
I guess the KID took me by surprise; I'm obviously not as ready as I thought I was. How much time do we need to fully recover from our last hit? How long do we have to wait before we fully give ourselves, before we surrender to the next person? Is there really a time limit? How do we know we're there?
One other thing I have never done so much in my before life is talk. We talk just about anything...better yet, I talk about anything. Never before in my life have I had someone who talked to me about how he felt, about how I made him feel, about our expectations, about our fights, about our sexual compatibility.
In the past, I would usually run away every time the conversation got into a point that didn't suit me or anytime I felt the other was winning with more arguments. This usually ended up in real fights cause I was stubborn enough not to admit that I was wrong immediately. So, five minutes later when I felt ready to admit it, it was too late. So I would try again five other minutes later...and tried...and tried and each time the rejection hurt even more.
And yes, I am fully aware that it was all my fault cause I'm still blaming myself today for not having changed at the right time. But who likes change anyway? I do...as long as you strive to prove me that the change would bring only good things. But we're all afraid of change for all the bad things that could come with it.
Seven months ago I suffered from change; that change hurt so much that I didn't want to wake up in the morning. Until one day when I opened my eyes ready to embrace change. And that brought me to the KID. I was not looking nor expecting anything. The change brought me to new things and ideas. The change opened my eyes to a brand new life. The change made me see Bob as he really was. The change helped me see who my real friends were. The change made me like a guy who is thin, wearing a beard and who used to be a smoker. The change made me aware of the fact that anything could happen, anytime. The change taught me that, no matter how much we want to believe it, nothing lasts forever..and the things that do last are not made by humans.