September 29, 2014

Coulda...Woulda...Shoulda

    If in my last post you were learning that in my house 3 had become 4 cause we had a heart broken in the house (a friend of ours, me and the KID, that is) well, now...news flash: the heart broken has been replaced by a bitch...a she dog, that is.

How did this happen? Easy: 
         the heart broken left us after a week for a house with bathroom doors:) And also to make plans with his brother on buying an apartment. Kids today! 
It was however an interesting experience that made me realize that, in order to accommodate someone else, I need a much bigger house, with doors, of course and several separate entrances. 
Well, actually, no..I can't accommodate anyone for more than 2 days. And even then, the person must be drunk as a skunk, unable to move, speak or do any other activity that would involve the above.
 I like my privacy, damn it! I left my parents' house when I was 18 and I've been living my own life ever since.

While our friend was here, the KID's biggest fear was that he would no longer be able to walk around (almost) naked. Well...he lived and he succeeded in keeping his clothes on.
But it was hard...
 
       The doggie ...her former owner is about to move into an apartment and there's not gonna be enough room for the dog too. So I took her. 
My other dog, who is 9 years old has a hard time adjusting to this brown crazy full of energy four legged barking thing. She's one crazy bitch, I tell you.
There she is in all her splendor:
Ok, take that damn picture already! I haven't got all day...
 
But enough about this...

Few days ago I realized it was September. Already! Just 3 months til Christmas! Where has this year gone?
   Soon there's gonna be 1 year and a half of me and the KID. Of this unusual relationship that is consuming both of us.
Each day I look at him, at us, and I think how funny life is... how everything is about the perfect moment. The perfect timing. And nothing else.

 And I'm not talking about the kind that we live once and then remember all our lives, about a memory, but about "a perfect storm"...when things that are happening to you and those around you are leading to something completely unexpected for those involved and not only.

Take a look at this perfect storm:

               One month earlier - he cheats
        Friday - he leaves her
Sunday - a stranger moves to the big city
         10 days later the stranger gets a job in the same place as her
                3 months later - she comes back to life
     3 and a half months later - the stranger decides to send her a text message promising to   make her smile
     3 days after the text message - she decides to send the stranger an email with nothing but a subject
     3 days after the email - the stranger enters her life completely
               One more day later - the stranger is in love for the first time in his life

 Do you ever wonder ...or let me rephrase this: how many times in your life have you wondered how things could have been if you had done just one thing differently? You know..the COULDA, WOULDA, SHOULDA...

I actually did that several times in a few months and each time I reach the same conclusion: from where I am now, I can't think of anything I could or should have done differently.

      If I hadn't gone a bit crazy during the last few months of my old relationship, I would probably still be living half of life: only half loved, half desired, half house owner, half happy.
Most probably not writing...

 Could it be that I've brought everything on myself? Could it be that at some stage of our lives, we act crazy cause the unconscious knows it's time to move on, do something, but we don't? Or we're too afraid to admit it, to get out of our comfort zone?
  "Freud believed that the majority of what we experience in our lives, the underlying emotions, beliefs, feelings, and impulses are not available to us at a conscious level. He believed that most of what drives us is buried in our unconscious. "

    Soooooo...what drove me to go crazy 2 years ago? To be suspicious? To be aggressive to the man next to me? Not in a I WANNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE kinda way (even though that crossed my mind few times)...
 Was it a desire for someone else? Maybe...
But what I believe now, if I were to listen to the dead guy, Freud that is, is that what was mostly living in me was a desire for freedom. 
And this desire for freedom brought me next to someone wonderful.

     

6 comments:

  1. I had a coulda-woulda-shoulda moment the other day about a guy I turned down. What would my life look like if I had said yes? But he's with another one of my really good friends and they are pretty much perfect for each other, so I wouldn't really want it any other way. #noregrets.

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    1. hhmmmm..interesting...so the guy is with one of your friends ...you know it's just to be close to you, right? :)))) sorry, but I just had to say it :P

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    2. No, I don't think so. At least I hope not! They just got married...that's why I was thinking about it.

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    3. Does she know she wasn't his first choice? :D

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    4. Not that I've said. There was enough time in between and nothing really happened. I left that up to him. He's pretty open and honest so I'm thinking he probably told her.

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    5. Smart girl ;-) I bet you were in at least 1 of his married man fantasies :))) sorry..crazy talking :)

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