October 21, 2013

To be or not to be EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE

     
As Miranda said: " Previously in my life..." Oh, you don't know who Miranda is. It wouldn't hurt reading my first post in this case:) 
      Well..previously in my life, the KID starts fights just to have make up sex, KIDZILLA (still) continues to think he's king of the world and I'm damaged and emotionally unavailable. Whoooaaaa! Surprise, surprise! 

Let me start with the most interesting:


"Emotionally Unavailable: Partner who creates barriers to intimacy and can make you feel unloved or unwanted."CHECKED

     Especially the last part: the KID has been nagging me lately about not holding his hand while he's eating or not caressing his hair while sleeping. I may over react a bit...Bottom line: I no longer make him feel the love as I used to at the beginning. What love? At the beginning all I was interested in could be found between his legs, so, of course I showed him (and his Junior) all my ..."love".

"Emotionally unavailable people are sometimes addicts " - CHECKED! 
     My addiction, besides coffee of course - we exclude sex cause apparently, when you're 32, not having the same sex drive as a 23 year old guy makes you frigid (several times a night...and I'm not kidding nor showing off cause I got him) - is writing. My dream is to actually make a living out of it - though I don't think I'm good enough and I have a horrible handicap: English is not my maternal language (but it doesn't hurt to dream, right?)


"Emotionally unavailable people always criticize you". - CHECKED!
    What can I say? I still can't get used to his beard or the fact that he's still smoking. Just so you know, I hate cigarettes, I hate the smoke and everything about cigarettes. Sorry, but it's true. I used to live with my aunt who smokes so much that would make Churchill look like a pussy. 

"Emotionally unavailable people are full of excuses for why they cannot be there with you, do things with you." - CHECKED!
     So...sometimes I prefer writing to making out..what's wrong with that? I need to write, I am addicted, this is the only thing that lets me be me, it's the only way to reinvent myself, I can lie, I can tell the truth, I can scream and shout, I can brake things, I can use bad words. 
Bottom line: I need this for my anger management. So, unless you want to buy boxing gloves...



"Emotionally unavailable people avoid sharing feelings within the relationship." - Partially CHECKED. 
  So, I'm not very good at talking about what I feel...but who is? But still..I do it, cause he likes this and I like listening to him. And maybe I avoid this kind of conversations. And I don't open my mouth each time I feel something..special or each time the wind blows in his direction...
Bottom line: We talk a lot, about a lot of things, but talking about our feelings seems such a chick thing:) To me it's almost like talking about how to have perfect toe nails. We should only do it if it starts to be eaten by fungus.



Ok, so where should I start? I know what you're thinking and I can only say: yes, you're right, SEX is important! Actually, come to think of it, each time I want to have a sex friend, everything ends in "disaster" cause somehow they fall in love, I fall in love and we live happily ever... some years. Run KID, run! 
Luckily the sex doesn't get worse due to this unfortunate thing called LOVE.
Come on! Last time I checked, SEX was the primary instinct. So, how can you get all emotional when you start off with...well...an organ that has nothing to do with emotions (ok, it has to do with the emotion of being horny), feelings, an organ that needs to take the elevator to get to that traitor called HEART.
   
Now...about the make up sex: how much of that can a 23 year old take? Don't answer that, it's rhetorical. 
Yes, we fight a lot and we have a lot to fight about:
  • he's like freaking Juliet when it comes to romantic shit gestures he needs all the time...and I'm not
  • I've become difficult and somewhat selfish - well..exqueeze me (I just love this expression), how many of you have been dumped 8 years later for an illiterate peasant? (I use this excuse too much:)
  • I have a hard time seeing our few months (6 to be more exact) like a long period (maybe I should count it in dog years, in which case, we'd be together for 3 and a half years). 
 So, whenever he starts a fight (cause it's him of course, but he won't admit it unless  tortured...), we go from tragedy to sex. Each time. Maybe this is his way of making sure that he's gonna get some that evening.
and my KID...well...he continues to do what he does best (and I adore him more each day): being a

8 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. thank you for your comment:) I'd like to ask you: can we really fail in love? should we consider failures if our relationships are not working? I'd rather see everything like a lesson...and yes, I'd write everyday if time let me;) I'd love to read your works...

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  2. Do not refrain from writing, dear Lexy!!! As I have once 'told' you, being an external observer reveals details the writer (in our case), sometimes locked deep within him/herself, is unaware of; and one of the things I have noticed, and of which you seem to be unaware and need to be told (and repeatedly), is that you have something most of the writers or/and aspiring writers should seek: Style; a style of your own (d'oh! :D) - catchy, funny, yet deep, complex and very human.

    As a second argument in my favor, take Sylvia Plath's words: "The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt".

    Looking forward to your addictive posts! :)

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    1. my dear Chloe, writing has always been my passion...whether I'm good or bad at it, I don't care, cause this is the closest I've ever been to ..inner peace...and alter ego:) and it took a very very bad heartbreak to reveal this pure passion that was smoldering around there..thanks again for your kind words and I value your opinion as always

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    2. purrrfect! in this case, I'll have my copy signed, please! ;;) :x

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    3. where should I send it?:) actually, I'd have an idea;)

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  3. Writing helps a lot. It gets rid of my stress.Best to let it out and have a good moan. I feel better, and glad I brighten up people's lives once they have read the trouble happening in mine.
    As for make up sex, the act of surprise is better, dragging them off to bed, keep going with the writing...it gets better with every post :) xx

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    1. writing does help a lot, you are soooo right. thank you for the advice and the compliment, goddess ;-)

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