Free spirit

     I quit my job six months ago because of my boss. And burnout! 

That's right, I said it! 

My boss was a workaholic psychopath who enjoyed micromanaging and going to the office at 4 am cause...and I quote: 'I couldn't sleep'. 

Leaving her and that place gave me a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before. I worked 10-11-12 and sometimes more hour days, no breaks, eating over the keyboard and feeling guilty for the 5 or 10 minutes I sometimes took to talk to my son or boyfriend, because of all the fucking sounds my laptop was making while I was away from my desk. 

Now, 6 months later, I still wonder: why the fuck did I put up with that? 

I am almost 40 years old (oh, fuck me...how? when? anyway...) and living in an era of 18 year old Tiktok stars that make more money that most of us (and by that I mean those born in the 1900's ) will never see in 10 lifetimes. 

Am I frustrated? Damn right, I am!

   It took me two months just to wash the stress off from my previous job and now I am back on the market, hunting for the next dominating sugar daddy...my next employer, that is. To quote from the classics:

  

But... winter is coming and so are the huge bills.

Oh, what have I done in the last few months? 

  

    Well...nothing, really. 

Reading - I actually finished a few books this year

Writing - sometimes a few thousand words a day, others just a hundred or two, but still feeling like a (failed) writer nonetheless

Spent time with my son - even though he would have much rather play on his phone

Spent time with my boyfriend - limited ...very limited time, but, it should get better soon, right, Kid?

Avoided going out as much as I could when friends wanted to meet for coffee - blamed it on the pandemic, of course

Faked gardening - got some flowers, some tomatoes, killed the cucumbers and ...all watermelons were murdered during the process as well

Thought about the future - or better yet, started suffering from anxiety because of the future and the limited time I have left on this earth and the days that turned into hours and the months that turned into days and the years that turned into...Oh, God! 

I thought that the horror the world has been fighting for the last year and a half made people realize how fragile everything and everyone is. It was wrong of me to believe that.

I thought that some lessons have been learned about what priorities really are and how they should change in our lives. It was wrong of me to believe that.

I thought...It doesn't matter - it's wrong of me to believe that. 

The only thing I see is that the world my child is growing up in is so different than what I had imagined for him.  Oscar Wilde - one of the smartest writers that ever lived - once said:

   People know the price of everything and the value of nothing. 

And I believe this best describes life in the year that we call 2021. 

Good night, everyone!