September 10, 2021

Free spirit

     I quit my job six months ago because of my boss. And burnout! 
That's right, I said it! 
My boss was a workaholic psychopath who enjoyed micromanaging and going to the office at 4 am cause...and I quote: 'I couldn't sleep'. 
Leaving her and that place gave me a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before. I worked 10-11-12 and sometimes more hour days, no breaks, eating over the keyboard and feeling guilty for the 5 or 10 minutes I sometimes took to talk to my son or boyfriend, because of all the fucking sounds my laptop was making while I was away from my desk. 
Now, 6 months later, I still wonder: why the fuck did I put up with that? 
I am almost 40 years old (oh, fuck when? anyway...) and living in an era of 18 year old Tiktok stars that make more money that most of us (and by that I mean those born in the 1900's ) will never see in 10 lifetimes. 
Am I frustrated? Damn right, I am!

   It took me two months just to wash the stress off from my previous job and now I am back on the market, hunting for the next dominating sugar next employer, that is. To quote from the classics:

But... winter is coming and so are the huge bills.

Oh, what have I done in the last few months? 
    Well...nothing, really. 

Reading - I actually finished a few books this year
Writing - sometimes a few thousand words a day, others just a hundred or two, but still feeling like a (failed) writer nonetheless
Spent time with my son - even though he would have much rather play on his phone
Spent time with my boyfriend - limited ...very limited time, but, it should get better soon, right, Kid?
Avoided going out as much as I could when friends wanted to meet for coffee - blamed it on the pandemic, of course
Faked gardening - got some flowers, some tomatoes, killed the cucumbers and ...all watermelons were murdered during the process as well
Thought about the future - or better yet, started suffering from anxiety because of the future and the limited time I have left on this earth and the days that turned into hours and the months that turned into days and the years that turned into...Oh, God! 

I thought that the horror the world has been fighting for the last year and a half made people realize how fragile everything and everyone is. It was wrong of me to believe that.
I thought that some lessons have been learned about what priorities really are and how they should change in our lives. It was wrong of me to believe that.
I thought...It doesn't matter - it's wrong of me to believe that. 
The only thing I see is that the world my child is growing up in is so different than what I had imagined for him.  Oscar Wilde - one of the smartest writers that ever lived - once said:
   People know the price of everything and the value of nothing. 

And I believe this best describes life in the year that we call 2021. 
Good night, everyone!

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